so, i've been reworking the sonnet a lot, and i think it's improved, but i want to know what someone else thinks. normally i'd have my significant otter read my writing, but i'm being strict and not letting him read this till i've mailed it. and besides, i want to know what you guys think too. i want to know if the story makes sense, and if it flows well between the quatrains--those are the two things i'm most worried about. since i know the whole story, it makes sense to me, but i want to know if anyone else understands it. so, if any of you have any feedback i'd love to hear it.
From whence we met, though I cannot explain,
You seemed to know that we should be a pair,
A fool I was; your wait it seemed in vain,
Those sleepless nights, heart filled with soft despair.
Not holding hands, we walked abreast for miles,
For blindness kept me from the truth I knew,
When you exchanged my tears for laughs and smiles,
I fell in love with every bit of you.
As you enfold my heart, I know no fear,
Though rough and shadowed life's deep path may be,
The dark seems not so black when you are near,
Protected I from all life's injury.
Your every touch it takes my breath away,
And now I'm in your arms; that's where I'll stay.
I think it flows really well. And you do convey your story in a way we can picture what happened. All in all, very good. I wouldn't worry about it anymore. Your love will be utterly enthralled ;)
ReplyDelete